Asajj Ventress versus Civilization
by ToryW
Summary: Ventress knows very little about being, as Obi-wan puts it, 'civilized'. Therefore, she must battle daily against the many aspects of normal life that she just doesn't understand. Full summary inside.
1. Prolouge: Asajj Ventress vs Dream Team

**I know. Pitifully short. I promise the real chapters will be longer- just thought I'd use this as an intro/prolouge.**

**This is sort of based off of a MLP fic known as "Progress" in which Luna, a pony who was away from civilization for 1000 years, tries to adjust to living with others again, as well as technology changes. In this story, Ventress, who knows very little about socialization, civilization, or normal life, tries to fit in at the Temple.**

**Each chapter will be a "battle" of sorts- 'Ventress vs. *object or person causing difficulties*' ****Note that the content here is "humor". Written purely for the fun of it, and for the amusement it brings to myself and anyone who enjoys it.**

**Asajj Ventress and those around her are not mine. Story idea is semi-original.**

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><p>It started off as a perfectly ordinary day- Kenobi and Skywalker showed up without any warning whatsoever, she pulled out her sabers and fought them. This wasn't exactly an everyday ocurance, but it certainly didn't surprise her. Kenobi and Skywaker didn't politely let her know they were abou to attack and ask for permission. She fought the precious "dream team" off while looking for a way to escape, because even Ventress knew that she couldn't take on <em>both <em>of them and win. Most of the time she lost to Kenobi, and sometimes to Skywalker too.

There wasn't any escape this time. Obi-wan and Anakin disarmed her, handcuffed her, and brought her back to the Temple with them. That was where her life changed. For some reason completely beyond her grasp, the council decided to allow her to train as a Jedi… on the account that a Jedi Master, any Jedi Master, would be willing to train her.

And, of course, it just _had _to be Kenobi who hesitantly raised his hand.

**This time, I'm not even asking for reveiws. That was pathetically short. **


	2. Asajj Ventress vs Sense of Direction

**Ok, the real first chapter is here. I hope you enjoy it...**

**Expect Crazy!Aayla in this story. Also, there will be some Obi/Asajj shipping later on, though, alas, I promised myself I'd stick to the humor and stay out of the romance. But it shall be humorous.**

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><p>"This is the center of the Temple, all stone. It's really old, really beautiful, and really drafty." Obi-wan explained. "From here, you can go to the common rooms," he nodded towards the left, "The rooms where the Jedi live," he gestured to the door directly ahead of them, "and the more war-useful end of the Temple" A quick nod to the right, "Of course, where we just came from is the council room, as well as training rooms and youngling housing."<p>

"And where do you store prisoners?"

"That'd be near the other war-related things."

"So, do I have a cell?"

"You're a Jedi now, my dear. You have a room, like the rest of us."

"Do I? Where is it?"

"Down the hallway straight ahead, room 84-B." Obi-wan told her politely. "It's right across from mine, as is typical for Master and Apprentice."

She was silent for a moment, digesting this. "Does that mean Skywalker is…?"

"84-D, yes. Right next door." Her new master finished.

"And they trust that I'm not going to murder him?"

"Well, considering you have no sabers as of yet, yes."

"Vice versa?"

"Hmm?"

"They trsut that Skywalker won't mudrer me."

"Force, I didn't think of that." Obi-wan responded.

"Of course you didn't." She snapped. She was half tempted to add _"You're an absolute idiot," _but at the last minute decided it wouldn't be a nice thing to mention to her new master. She'd have to break the news to him later. "Anakin's your precious Padawan, you would never dream of his misbehaving."

"Oh, I know Anakin misbehaves. The reason I'm known as a good Master" _to troublesome people like you, _"is because Anakin misbehaves and I keep him in line, for the most part." His voice suddenly became a bit more… sultry. "And he's not my _precious _Padawan anymore. You are."

"I'll try to live up to the name, then." She purred before she caught herself. She'd been here, what, half an hour, and she was already back to flirting with Kenobi? Dear Force, what was wrong with her these days?

"Well then." Obi-wan muttered. It appeared to be all he was capable of saying. "Well then…" he paused for a moment, as though unsure of how to disentangle himself from the current topic. "We should start out with a few training exercises, simple stuff to help clear your mind."

"So we need to go… left?"

"Training rooms are behind us, my dear."

"Pardon me for having no sense of direction then." Shemuttered.

Obi-wan didn't notice. "Do you think you could meet me at the entrence to the council rooms in ten minutes or so? There are a few things I need to straighten out."

"What sort of things?"

"Things like paperwork."

"What sort of paperwork?"

"Paperwork that makes your Padawan-ship official." Obi-wan finished as he left, heading towards the Council-type rooms. Ok, so she had enough time to find her new room, perhaps change into Jedi robes… Force, Jedi robes. It would be very odd wearing the same clothes that the Jedi wore.

Duh. Of course she wore the clothes the Jedi wore. She was training to be a Jedi now.

Ok, so where was her room again? The hallways were an absolute maze- separatist battle ships only had a few rooms, as very few people ever stayed on them. She ended up wandering around the stone hallways, feeling completey lost. Much more than ten minutes had passed. Obi-wan would think she had abandoned him and run back to the Separatists… For some reason, she didn't want him to think that.

Almost an hour later, Aayla Secura found her wandering aimlessly around the Force-ball courts and muttering "I swear I'm a Jedi, I swear it!" under her breath.

"Erm… do you happen to be lost?" Aayla asked.

"Lost?" _Yes, I am absolutely and positively lost, and Obi-wan probably thinks I left him. _"No, not at all. Leave me alone." She responded, before turning back in the direction she'd come from, trying for the umpteenth time to retrace her steps.

"You're lost." Aayla stated. "Now get your butt over here and tell me where you're trying to go."

"You Jedi are quite bossy." Ventress snipped, but turned around anyway. "I'm supposed to be outside the training rooms, waiting for Obi-wan."

"Oh, Obi-wan? He's searching the housing hallways for you."

"Figures." Asajj snorted.

"It's dinner time anyway. Do you want to just meet him there?"

Ventress considered for a moment. Her stomach growled. "Yes."

Aayla contacted Obi-wan via communicator, and they met him outside the cafeteria.

"I thought you'd abandoned me." Obi-wan said upon seeing her. "What made you decide that training wasn't worth your time?" Kenobi was only her height, but somehow it felt like he was staring down at her as though she were a youngling.

"I… erm… was intercepted by…"

"She got lost." Aayla cut in abruptly.

"I was _not _lost. I was simply… turned around. I could have done it myself, given the time."

Obi-wan at this point, looked simply amused. "Don't worry about it, my dear. You should have seen Anakin when he first arrived."

This conversation was starting to be of interest. "Was Anakin an absolute failure as a Jedi at first?"

"Hey. Guys. Food." Aayla stated. The Twi'lik grabbed Obi-wan and his new Padawan by the arms and led them into the cafeteria.

Ventress: 0  
>Sense of Direction (or lack thereof): 1<p>

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><p><strong>Every chapter will have a little "scorekeeper" like the one above at the bottom, recording whether Ventress has won or lost the battle. If we come across any exceptionally good foes, they may be brought back X3<strong>


	3. Asajj Ventress vs Table Manners

**I'm fast, aren't I? X3**

**Yes, they eat fish fingers in this chapter, because I've recently entered into a rather unhealthy obsession with them (mainly after seeing a certain timelord eating them...). Also, expect more of Aayla here in the coming chapters. She and Asajj seem to be getting along quite well.**

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><p>Before long, Asajj found herself seated at a table with Obi-wan next to her and Aayla across from her, plates of fish fingers in fron of them.<p>

"So guys." Aayla began, taking a bite of fish finger off her fork. "Ventress. How do you like the Temple?"

"She obviously saw quite a bit of it already, judging by how long she was gone." Obi-wan remarked, taking a neat bite of fish.

Asajj shot him an annoyed look, but he chewed his food innocently and didn't bother returning her glance. At that moment, Anakin walked past. "Hey Master, mind if I join…" He trailed off as he noticed who was sitting at his master's side. "Nevermind. I hear Ahsoka calling me." He muttered, continuing on.

"Did he mean that literally or figuratively?" Ventress asked.

"Neither. He just doesn't like you." Aayla explained, talking with her mouth still full.

"Well I'm not too fond of him either, so I don't care." Asajj declared, looking down at her plate. "This is what you guys _always _eat?"

"Different every night." Aayla answered, her mouth still full.

Obi-wan gave her a rather scornful look and swallowed his own food before speaking. "Well, when we're out on the battle field, it's ration bars. But yes, this is a fairly standard day-to-day meal."

Asajj looked at the plate again with a look of almost reverence. "We _never _get real food. We get ration bars. Every. Single. Day." Without waiting for a response, she grabbed a few fish fingers and began eating in a way that most people would call "wolfing".

"Erm…" said Obi-wan, looking for a polite way to tell her to use a fork.

"Use a fork." Said Aayla.

Asajj, at least, swallowed before she spoke, unlike a certain Twi'lik at the table_. _"Why? Aren't they called fish _fingers?" _

"Yes, but you're not actually supposed to eat them with your fingers." Obi-wan responded.

"Then why are they called that?" She shot back.

"Because… because…" Obi-wan stammered, trying to figure out why they _were _called that.

"Fish don't have fingers, last I checked." She took a slow bite from the end of another piece of fish, watching his expression.

"No, it's because… they're shaped like fingers." Obi-wan finished lamely.

"They're _fish sticks. _Not fingers." Aayla said.

Obi-wan and Asajj stared at her for a moment. "No." Obi-wan stated.

"No." Ventress agreed.

"Fish fingers." Kenobi said, as though it settled the matter. Then, as though it somehow had anything to do with the argument, he picked one up with his fingers and took a bite.

"Obi-wan, I'm very proud of you." Ventress stated rather teasingly. Whether it was for agreeing with her on the matter of "fish fingers" versus "fish sticks", or for eating something with his hands all un-civilized-like, she'd never know. But she was quite proud of her master.

Aayla was pouting. "Fish fingers is a dumb name."

"You're a dumb name." Ventress shot back, regardless of whether the insult made sense. Obi-wan looked as though he wanted to scold her, but his mouth was full, and though he may have settled to eat with his hands just to make a point, he was going to behave and chew with his mouth quite closed, thank you very much.

"You're a dumb… a dumb…" Aayla was searching for an appropriate insult. Finally she came up with, "You're dumb," earning herself only an eyeroll. "Hey, it's the best I could think of on such short notice. And I'm not used to insulting you. People I'm used to I can come up with stuff for much quicker."

"Well _that's _an impressive talent." Obi-wan replied scathingly, having swallowed the fish in his mouth and regaining speech capabilities.

"What do you know, Obi-wan? You're an egghead." Aayla retorted.

"Kenobi's not an egghead." Ventress retorted.

Aayla looked half surprised that she would defend her master. "What do you know? You just got here."

"I know enough to know that Obi-wan's not an egghead."

"What is he then?" Aayla shot back.

"Brilliant." She muttered, feeling warm blood rush to her face.

Kenobi turned to smile at her, but she was facing straight ahead to avoid his gaze, because Force she did _not _want him looking at her right now. Aayla wrinkled her nose. "You do know that _most_ people consider Obi-wan an egghead and are too polite to say it, right?"

"It'd be nice if you were polite." Obi-wan told her, in his usual dignified manner.

"That's not how I roll." Aayla answered, stabbing another piece of fish with her fork.

**Ventress: 1  
>Table Manners: 0<strong>

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><p><strong>This is a continual debate at my house. People keep telling me that fish fingers are "fish sticks". No! The Doctor is always right! Anyway, I hope you're enjoying this weird little story. Oh, and Ventress won this round! *points to scoreboard*<strong>


	4. Asajj Ventress vs Egghead

**I'm trying to update every day for you guys- and twelve reveiws already for a story I just started? You guys are so epic :3**

**Still not entirely pleased with this one- but I do like it. It's just not the most humorous chapter. The next one will make up for it, I promise.**

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><p>When they'd finished dinner, Obi-wan had very politely asked if she'd like him to walk to her rooms with her. She was sorely tempted to say no, but considering how many circles she'd walked in last time, she agreed.<p>

Aayla followed, mostly because she was bored and had nothing better to do than continue the conversation, which happened to be about how saber colors reflected personality, and how Ventress thought it was an interesting topic and Obi-wan whole-heartedly disagreed.

"Saber color is _not _a reflection of personality. Having a blue saber does _not _make me spontaneous and crazy."

"Maybe you are, deeeeep down." Aayla insisted.

"Or maybe you're all wrong, and saber color is just a preference."

"Your personalitly, Obi-wan, is a color all its own."

Ventress grinned. "He certainly is... _unique _among the Jedi."

"In a good way, or a bad way?" Kenobi asked, using his… sexy voice. _No, no, no, NO! Kenobi does not possess a sexy voice. You do not find anything about Kenobi remotely sexy._

"Good." Ventress decided. "Who else would be stupid enough to take me as a Padawan?"

"What happened to me being brilliant?"

"You never were, Egghead." Aayla stated as means of a "goodnight". Without further adieu, she turned into her own hallway.

Obi-wan and Ventress stood there for a minute, watching her walk away.

"Is she… always like this?" Ventress asked hesitantly.

"Always." Obi-wan confirmed flatly. "Although 'Egghead' is a new one for me, I'll admit."

"And how long will it be until she has a better insult for me besides 'dumb'?"

"Not long. She means it all in good fun, really. And she will, beyond a shadow of a doubt, defend you from anyone _else _who insults you. If there's thing Aayla's not, it's a gossiper."

"I kinda like her." Asajj decided.

"Good. I certainly hope you'll make a few friends."

"Why, so I don't have to follow you around twenty-four-seven?"

He looked aghast at this statement. "No, so that you have… friends. Besides your eggheaded master."

"I told you, you're _not _an egghead."

Obi-wan looked at her for a moment, then stated, "I don't get you." and walked away.

Ventress raced after him. "Hey, what do you mean, you don't _get _me? What's to not get?"

He stopped walking and crossed his arms. "Just this morning, we were sworn enemies. Then you're quite obviously irritated with the fact that I'm training you, and you also quite obviously think I'm an idiot for placing you in Qui's old room. One minute you call me stupid, and now, you're suddenly defending me from Aayla and myself. I don't get you."

"Sworn enemies doesn't necessarily mean anything personal."

"Then I'd hate to see what you'd do to someone who you _did _hold something personal against."

"That'd be Skywalker. I hold much personal against him. And the reason I'm defending you is because you _are _brilliant. And stupid. Both at the same time." She paused for a moment. "Brilliantly stupid. That's what you are. You do brilliant things that are stupid to yourself."

"Like what?"

"Like that whole 'nice-to-me' thing. You've suffered through my company all evening in order to make me a better Jedi. You're crazy and spontaneous, like Aayla said."

Abruptly, he smiled. "Your presence is nothing to suffer through." _Oh. My. Was that a hint that he… enjoys being with me?_

"But I'm _not _the apprentice you wanted. I'm far too old to be a proper Padawan, I have a dark past I'll have to unlearn, and I don't fit in here."

"I know that." He shrugged slightly. "But I want to see you reach your potential. I know what you can be. And admittedly, I'm rather fond of you, troublemaking sith or no. Now come on. Let's find that room of yours." _Full of selflessness, stupidity, brilliance, and humor. Yes, that's the Kenobi I know. And love. And I don't care what anyone says. He's not an egghead._

**Asajj Ventress: 0**  
><strong>Obi-wan Kenobi: 1<strong>

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><p><strong>Get used to THAT scoreboard, because it'll be coming back at ya. "Table manners" might as well, undecided yet, but "vs Obi-wan" will definately be a recurring theme. <strong>

**Expect more humor next round when Ventress takes on her haunted room! (Yes, haunted.)**


	5. Asajj Ventress vs Haunted Room

**I'm back! So far this is what, five in a row? Pretty good- I'll see if I can keep it up. Not sure, though, I haven't even started the next chapter... **

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><p>Her room was very plain, but amazingly comfortable. She had a <em>window. <em>She had a _real closet. _She had, to her amazement, a small refrigeration device, as well as a heating type thingy.

The walls were stone, and the floor was _carpet. _Asajj was half tempted to feel it with one hand, but instead was satisfied to lay her hand on top of the blanketed bed. To her amazement, the room actually felt warm.

"So?" Obi-wan asked from the doorway. "What do you think? I know it's plain, but…"

"This is the kind of luxery you Jedi live with?"

"Pardon me if you're used to fancier rooms."

"No, not at all. I'm used to metal rooms with no heat and no furniture but the bed."

"So you like it?"

"Love it."

"This was Qui-gon's old room." Obi-wan said rather softly, glancing around the room.

"Your master?" He only nodded in response. "He's…?"

"Dead, yes." Kenobi finished. "I'm glad it's not empty anymore, though. Qui-gon would be pleased to see me taking another Padawan. My first real one, according to him, because Anakin _should _have been his Padawan."

"I'm not sure he'd be too pleased with you choosing a sith as a Padawan."

"He'd be amused, most likely. After seeing me struggle with Anakin, the idea of choosing a very _similar_ Padawan…"

"I am nothing like Anakin."

"I'm going to bed now." Obi-wan announced. "Goodnight, my dear." He left the room, mostly so he would have to argue about the things she had in common with Anakin.

Asajj slowly prepared for sleep, then climbed into her new bed and turned off the light. The room was silent and dark, just as she preferred it.

"I see you…" A soft female voice cooed.

She snapped upright. "Who's there?"

There was a muffled giggle.

Ok, someone was in her room. A female, by the sound of it. The voice didn't seem to be coming from anywhere in particular, but she'd find the intruder. "Who are you?"

"I see you, Ventress."

The voice knew her name. She scrambled out of bed and flicked on the light. The room was empty. "Where are you?" she asked, starting to feel fear. A real, solid opponent she could fight was one thing, but ghosts were quite another.

"You may not see me, Ventress… but I see you." the voice breathed again- right in her ear. She swung out her arm hysterically towards her side. _Nothing was there. _

In an absolute panic, Ventress ran to her door, unlocked it, dashed across the hallway, and pounded franticly on Obi-wan's door. He opened it, looking half asleep and with a cup of tea in one hand. "Ventress? What on Corausant…"

She threw her arms around him wildly, sending about half of his tea sloshing to the floor. He looked rather distressed at this terrible waste, then turned to look at her. "What _is _the matter?"

"My room is haunted."

"Don't be ridiculous, darling." Obi-wan carefully disentangled himself from her arms and crossed the hallway, both hands clutching what remained of his precious tea. The door to her room remained open, and the light was still on. "there's nothing in your room."

"Nothing we can _see _anyway." She protested, putting one hand on his arm to make sure that she could feel him. Somehow, that would be the scariest part, if she couldn't feel Kenobi, and he was dead, or a ghost _disguised _as Kenobi.

"Well, how about we turn the light back off and wait for it then?" She'd expected him to tell her she was crazy and go back across the hall. It was awfully nice of him to listen to her hysterical complaints about "haunted" rooms.

Ventress sat down on the bed next to Obi-wan just as he flicked the light back off. For a few minutes they sat, silent, with only the sound of Obi-wan sipping from his mug.

"It wasn't my imagination. I know it wasn't." Asajj repeated, hoping to convince her new master that she was perfectly sane.

Kenobi's reply was cut off by a stifled giggle.

"SIRI!" he shouted, more annoyed than anything else.

"Siri?" Ventress repeated, confused.

"Yes, Siri. I know what you're up to, Siri. Knock it off."

The disembodied voice spoke again. "Come on, lighten up. I'm just having a little fun with your new student."

"well it's not funny. You scared her half to death."

"If I do it again will she die completely?"

Ventress spoke again. "Who's Siri?"

Obi-wan rolled his eyes rather affectionately. "An old friend of mine, real mischief-maker. She seems to enjoy frightening our new Jedi."

"And is your friend… invisible?"

"No, Siri's dead. But she learned quite a bit about the art of speaking with Force-ghosts, so she's able to speak here in our world occasionally."

"Obi-wan, are you _still _drinking that tea?" the girl- Siri- asked.

"I very much like my tea, thank you. And I also like my Padawan to be comfortable in her rooms. That means quit pretending you're a phantom and let her sleep."

"Alright, just for you, Obi. But just so you know, being a phantom is _very, very _entertaining."

"I'm sure it is. Good night, Siri."

There was no reply, which Asajj assumed meant that this Siri had left. "Does she do this often?"

"Actually, yes. Anakin almost had a heart attack a several years ago when she crept up behind him and told him she was going to kill him."

"_What?_"

"She didn't mean it, of course, but it was dark and Anakin didn't know she was there. This was when she was still alive, see. She ended up rolling on the floor because she was laughing so hard."

"Can I do that to Skywalker?"

"Probably not the best idea, he might take it literally from you." Kenobi yawned, and then drained the last of the tea from his mug. "Now that this is straightened out, do you mind if I head back to bed?"

"No, not at all. Thank you, Master."

Obi-wan left, closing the door behind him, and Ventress crawled back into her bed and flicked off the light.

"I'm gonna kill you." Siri whispered in the darkness, then started cracking up.

"Do you _mind?"_ Ventress asked, pulling the covers over her head. There was a flicker of pale blue light from outside her blankets, followed by an audinble _thump _against the wall.

_Great, so now I have a ghost in my room that lights up and throws things as well. _She hadted to admit it, but it was making her quite nervous, being asleep while this Siri was wandering around her room…

She flung the covers off and tore across the hallway. Obi-wan's door was unlocked.

"Master?"

"Ventress?" He was already in bed, his empty tea mug sitting on the counter.

"Can I sleep in here?"

"Erm…" There really was no way to explain the rather awkward connotations that could easily be implied here, and Aayla was not here to say it for him. "Sure."

"Thank you, master Obi-wan. Your dead friend is throwing things at the wall and it's noisy." It was partially true, right? She had heard something hit the wall… She was most certainly not going to tell Obi-wan Kenobi that she was afraid of the dark and that sleeping next to him made her feel safer.

"Siri can't throw things, she's a…" His musings were cut short as Ventress curled up next to him.

"Goodnight Kenobi." She stated simply, and oblivious to anything else, she fell asleep.

"Good… night…" he stammered, feeling vaguely turned on, highly guilty about it, and overall quite confused.

**Asajj Ventress: 0  
>Haunted room: 1<br>Obi-wan Kenobi: ?**

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><p><strong>Ah, n<strong>aïve Ventress... <strong>**

****In this story, the basic plot of Siri is that she befriended Obi-wan after he lost his master (because I imagine he must have been terribly lonely, and his relationship with his new Padawan (Anakin) suffered), and they sat in Qui-gon's old room a lot, which is why Siri hangs out there now. She may/may not have had a romantic brush with Obi-wan, but overall they were friends. Expect more of her, especially once Ventress begins to be a bit less clueless. ****


	6. Asajj Ventress vs Coffee

**Sorry about the "no update" yesterday- you probably know how real life can be sometimes. **

**But I'll make it up to ya- two for one? Both fairly short, but I'm not aiming for length here, just humor. Enjoy~**

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><p>Upon waking the next morning, Ventress forgot about the events of the previous day for a moment and wondered how on corausant Obi-wan Kenobi was in her room, and why was he calmly sipping from a mug instead of attacking her.<p>

It snapped back to her when she looked around and realized that she was not in her room, nor was she in her new room in the Temple. She was in _Obi-wan's _room in the Temple, because she'd been afraid of the dark last night.

How embarrassing.

"Tea?" she asked groggily, sitting up. Immediately, a scent filled her mind- a wonderful, rich scent. It was like chocolate and earth and bittersweetness and… she wanted whatever was making that smell.

"No, coffee." He sipped from the mug again.

Ventress stood up, walking towards him in a rather entranced manner. "What is that smell?"

"Coffee." Obi-wan repeated. "Have you ever had coffee, darling?"

"No. Is it good?"

"Very good. Would you like a cup?"

"If it tastes as good as it smells, then I would love one."

Obi-wan poured her a steaming mug of this "coffee", which smelled absolutely delicious. She sipped in quite a bit of it, then immediately spat it back into the mug, spluttering indignantly.

"Too hot?" Kenobi asked.

"It's horribly bitter. Is it supposed to be?"

"It's what you call an acquired taste."

"But it _smells _so good…" Ventress sipped again, making a terrible face but swallowing the deep brown beverage. "It should taste like it smells."

"You'll get used to it, I'm sure. Almost everyone here in the Temple drinks coffee. Some of them only drink it because they like caffeine, but I just like the taste." He took another savoring swig.

"I thought you drank tea."

"Tea is an evening drink. I always have decaf in the morning." Asajj had thought, in the past, that she knew all about Jedi master Kenobi. But now she was learning quite a bit about him- the simple, unimportant sort of things that affected his ordinary, day to day life and not his whole personality. And yet, in a way, it was the little, simple things about a person that made them who they were. The way they acted when they were at home sipping coffee was somehow more important than how they fought on a battle field. Funny how she would never have thought such a thing before, and after just one day in the temple, she realized it.

"I never would have guessed that."

Obi-wan sat silent for a moment. "Was that sarcasm?"

"No, I mean it. I wouldn't have guessed something like that about you." She drank more of the coffee. Somehow, it tasted better than before. Perhaps Obi-wan was, as usual, right.

**Asajj Ventress: 1  
>Coffee: 0<br>Obi-wan Kenobi: **

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><p><strong>In case you can't tell, Obi-wan gets the "infinity" symbol for this chapter, because he is, as usual, right, and this scores him an infinate amount of points. Just for being Obi-wan he should get an infinate amount of points. Plus last time all he got was a "?", so I'm making it up to him. <strong>

**I honestly and truly feel for Ventress here. I love the smell of coffee. I want, so badly, to be able to enjoy it. And then I taste it and it's horribly bitter and awful. But it smells so good... D:**

**Ventress vs Coffee, round two, is this way -**


	7. Asajj Ventress vs Coffee Round 2!

**Part two- Revenge of the Coffee!**

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><p>A few hours later, she'd dressed in her own room (she'd changed in the 'fresher because she was still wary of Siri watching her), eaten breakfast with Kenobi and Aayla, and gotten in a bit of practice with her new master.<p>

The whole time, one thought was on her mind- getting more coffee. For something she'd never had before, it was strangely addicting, as if she wanted to make up for all the mornings in her life when she _hadn't _had a freshly brewed cup of hot coffee, which was every morning besides this one.

Finally, when Obi-wan decided it was a good time for a water break, she excused herself to use the 'fresher and slipped down to the cafeteria. The pots of coffee still sat out, tempting her. Coffee was mostly water, right? Surely this counted as a water break?

Obi-wan was patiently waiting for his new apprentice to return when Anakin waltzed in. "Hey master. Where's Baldy?"

"Anakin, _really?_" Obi-wan managed to restrain himself from an eyeroll.

"How's your training coming?"

"It's coming absolutely wonderfully." Obi-wan asserted.

"Your attempts at civilizing the sith witch are working out?"

"You're civilized. Mostly."

"Harsh. But at least… I…" Anakin broke off as Asajj Ventress, dignified former lady of the sith and now Jedi in training, came _bouncing _over to them.

"MasterI'mreadytotrainnow." She stated, breathless as if she'd just run from one end of the Temple to the other.

"That is a _creepy _look in her eyes. I'm backing away." Anakin said slowly, taking a few steps away from his master and Ventress, whose eyes were practically glowing with energy.

"Ventress… did you, by any chance, have any coffee?" Obi-wan stated cautiously.

"Yes… Is that a bad thing?"

"Did you get it from the cafeteria, or my room?"

"Does it matter? What did I do now? Am I in trouble?"

"Answer. The question."

"The cafeteria. Why?"

"Oh dear…" Obi-wan swallowed. "And how much coffee did you drink, exactly?"

"I dunno, two cups?"

"Oh. Well, if it's just two, I-"

"Ok three." Ventress burted out. "I had three."

"Three?" His eyebrow arched. Oh dear Force. This was worse than an interrogation. If she'd been caught and interrogated and Obi-wan had given her that archy-eyebrow face she probably would have just blurted out whatever it was he'd asked and probably more because there was no way she could lie to him when he gave her the archy-eyebrow face and her thoughts seemed to be coming a lot faster than usual and very rambly as well as though they just poured out of her mind without any control on those thoughts because normally her thoughts were not this jumbled and continuous and normally it was a lot easier to clear her mind of all things not just emotions but thoughts as well and right now the thoughts just did not stop coming and they did not appear to end either and Obi-wan was very sexy when he gave her the archy-eyebrow face but no, that was a bad thought, get _rid _of that thought.

"Five. I had five cups of coffee. Is that some sort of imit I'm not supposed to cross?"

"Oh. Force." Anakin stated. "You do know that the stuff in the cafeteria is cafenated, right?"

"She's never had coffee before today." Obi-wan added, rubbing his temples as though he could feel a headache coming on. "Can you imagine how much this caffeine is going to affect her?"

"You didn't tell me it had caffeine." Ventress snapped.

"I thought you disliked coffee. I thought you weren't going to drink any."

She'd been irritable only a second before, but now she was quite thrilled again with… absolutely everything. "No, I love coffee."

Obi-Wan gave in and rolled his eyes. "You can leave, then, since we obviously aren't going to get any training done while you're like this."

She flung her arms around Obi-wan, who looked quite flustered and startled. Anakin looked weirded out. "I loooove coffee. And you. Mostly coffee." She declared, before she let go of him and tore out of the room.

Anakin watched her go, shaking his head. "She's going to crash hard once that caffeine wears off."

Obi-wan didn't reply, because he was trying to figure out if she had indeed just mentioned that she loved him. He was also wondering if he should be worried that she loved coffee. Yes… he should most definitely worry about it. But he could do that later when he wasn't so confused.

**Asajj Ventress: 1  
>Coffee: 5<br>Obi-wan Kenobi: ?**

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><p><strong>The next chapter may or may not be titled "Asajj Ventress vs Caffiene crash" XD<strong>

**Once again, Obi-wan has the "?" symbol, because once again, this is what Asajj inflicts upon him. **


	8. Asajj Ventress vs Psychologist

**Fun times with Ventress and a psychologist, woohoo. **

**((Please dont feel upset if you're, I dunno, a psychologist or something. I just have a rather low opinion of the profession ((probably because it was used as a threat when I was younger: "If you don't stop that RIGHT NOW we're taking you to see a psychologist." Me: *stops*)) and so I have created a rather... psycho psychologist. Just enjoy this rather interesting character, because she will be coming back XD))**

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><p>"I told you, it's because of the caffeine incident."<p>

"I think they're just suspicious of me."

Obi-wan sighed. "That may be. But in all honesty, I don't blame them."

"I thought you were on my side here." Ventress gave him an intentionally hurt look.

"I am on your side. I trust you." Obi-wan trusted her. Even if just two days ago they'd fought. Perhaps he was foolish. But she liked it anyway.

"You trust me?"

"With my life." He confirmed.

She was silent for a minute. "Do I have to speak to him?"

"Her, and yes. Mace Windu's suggestions are not to be taken lightly. He wants you to talk to the psychologist. I'm not fond of visiting her either."

"I don't like telling people stuff."

"Why?" This was the exact kind of question Obi-wan would have to ask.

"I don't know. It makes me nervous."

"What could you possibly have to hide?"

Everyone already knew about her past as a Sith apprentice, of course, but no one knew much about her childhood, and her training with Master Ky, and she preferred it stay that way. She didn't like the past, and she didn't want to bring it back up. Not to mention her stupid emotional-ness towards her new master.

She avoded the question. "I have a headache."

"That, my dear, is called a 'caffiene crash'. You can't just drink that much coffee all at once when you've never had it before." At this point, they'd stopped outside a door with the words "Torin Vameo: Temple Psychologist" printed neatly on it. "Now, could you please just behave through the session with Master Vameo? It's only half an hour, and I'll be back for you then."

"I'm not a youngling."

"Yes, but you're still my Padawan, and telling you to behave is my job."

"I'm not _that _much younger than you."

"I know, I know. Call it habit then. Anakin hated the psychologist, and he used to try to hit her with her own graph-chart-type-thing."

"What a great Padawan _he _was." Ventress snorted, entering the room.

Sitting at the desk in front of her was a human woman who appeared to be in her mid-forties. Her hair was dark gray and was clipped short, and her eyes were deep green. She had a rather kind, sympathetic look on her glossed lips. "Ah, so you're Asajj Ventress, are you?" Her voice was sweet, rather cutesy.

_No, I'm a dancing elf, _Ventress thought sarcastically, though she refrained from saying it."Yes."

"So, tell me, why were you sent here?"

"I drank too much coffee this morning."

"And does your master know of this?"

"Oh yes, I hugged him just this morning when I was cranked up on caffeine."

"Caffiene?"

"Caffeine, yes."

"Please have a seat."

Ventress did as instructed, seating herself on the other side of the desk.

"Tell me about your childhood."

"How does this pertain to my caffeine episode?"

"It pertains to everything, deary." Obi-wan often referred to her as "My dear", which she guessed was based on habit, but this was _entirely _different from "deary". "Deary" bothered her. "My dear" was a completely wonderful name that _only _Master Kenobi was allowed to call her.

"I was born. I grew up. I became a Jedi. Now I'm here."

The psychologist's voice was suddenly sharp. "Does Master Kenobi teach his Padawans any respect?"

"Of course he does. Obi-wan's a great master." Ventress snapped rather irritated. It was one thing that this so-called expert asked her personal questions and annoyed her, but if this woman thought she could insult Obi-wan and get away with it, boy, she had another think coming.

"My experience begs to differ."

"You can't count Anakin against Obi-wan. Look what he had to work with."

"He has poor taste in Padawans then." The psychologist responded, scribbling on her notepad. _Poor taste in… Oooo, she did NOT! Obi-wan's the only one who thinks I have potential, and he's the only one willing to train me. He's the best master anyone could ask for. Admittedly, I'm not the best Padawan. And neither is Anakin. Ok, maybe he _does _have poor taste in Padawans._

"Could we please get this meeting over with? I'm supposed to talk about my caffeine issues with you."

"Tell. Me. About. Your. Childhood." She insisted.

"I don't _want _to tell you about my childhood. I want to talk about the caffeine."

"Were you abused as a child?"

"No."

"Did you suffer any kind of trauma?"

_Trauma… If by trauma she includes having your parents murdered, then yes. But she's not getting that out of me. _"No."

"Did you ever feel unappreciated?"

"No."

"Unwanted?"

"Nope."

"Depressed?"

"No."

"Did you ever-"

"No."

The psychologist cleared her throat. "Alright then, we'll examine your more recent past."

"Why do you assume the problem is in my past?"

"Well, there aren't any problems in this _exact _moment of time, are there?" Torin smiled sweetly.

_Yes, there's one sitting right in front of me. _"I guess not."

"So, while working under Dooku, did you ever feel unappreciated?"

_There's the understatement of a lifetime. Dooku _still _hasn't noticed I'm missing… _"I suppose."

"Aha! Then there's your answer!"

"So I drank coffee this morning because I was unappreciated by Dooku?"

"Of course! You felt undervalued by your old master, so you're trying to make it up by pleasing your new master."

"Obi-wan?"

"No, a dancing elf." The psychologist replied snidely. "Of course Obi-wan. You feel as though you are not up to his standards, don't you?"

Ventress was disliking this woman more and more. "On the contrary, I feel I've done quite well in Kenobi's eyes."

Torin Vameo ignored her. "So that's why you've been drinking caffeine- you feel it will help you in your training. You strive to be accepted by Master Kenobi!"

Indeed, she _did _want to be accepted by Kenobi, but it had nothing to do with the coffee incident. "Well, no, I want-"

"You don't want to be accepted? Perhaps _more _than accepted?"

"More than… what?"

"Yes, it's very clear now. In your hopes that Kenobi would accept you as more than a Padawan despite your unappreciated past, you've taken to caffeine in the hopes that it would improve your outward demeanor!" Asajj stared at her for a moment.

"I didn't know it was caffeinated." She stated slowly.

The other woman looked shattered. "Um… your subconscious knew… which is why you wanted coffee. You subconscious was telling you-"

"I wanted coffee," Ventress interrupted, "because it tastes good."

The psychologist was silent.

"But I didn't know it was caffeinated. So now I have a splitting headache. _And you are making it worse."_

Torin sat there a moment, unsure of how to respond.

"You know _nothing_ about my mind."

"I know about everyone's mind." She insisted.

"Well, my mind is _not _everyone's mind. And for the record, I don't care about being accepted by Kenobi, because I _do not _care about him. Got it?"

Torin grabbed under the desk for a cardboard sheet with a diagram of a brain printed on it. "But your subconscious…"

Ventress wrenched the board out of the psychologist's hands and bopped her over the head with it. "Ow!" The poor master yelped. "Kenobi! Control your apprentice!"

To Asajj's surprise, Obi-wan stood in the doorway, and perhaps it was just her imagination, but he looked a little hurt. Because she'd just announced very loudly right in front of him that she didn't care about him at all. She hadn't _meant _it. At least, she hadn't meant she didn't care about him, she'd meant that she didn't _care _about him as a… Oh dear Force this was complicated.

"Ventress, I told you to behave!" he exclaimed.

"She was bothering me!"

"You can't just _hit _people who bother you! And also, I'd recommend running now." Ventress whirled to see that Torin was pulling out a purple saber. She remembered at that moment that she no longer had sabers of her own.

"Whoops…" Asajj darted out of the room, pausing only to grab Obi-wan's hand and jerk him along. "Come on, you."

"Sorry, Master Vameo!" Obi-wan called over his shoulder as he and Asajj tore down the hallway hand in hand. The psychologist didn't chase them, thankfully; she stood outside her office and watched them go.

Finally they'd stopped running when they were way over by the swimming pool, both of them out of breath. "Never… trust…. A psychologist…" Ventress panted, bent double from a stitch in her side.

"Why not?" Obi-wan inhaled, straightening.

"They have…. 'psycho' right in the… name." She got out between gasps of air.

Kenobi found enough air left in his lungs to laugh.

**Asajj Ventress: 1  
>Torin the Psychologist: 0<strong>

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><p><strong>Torin will be back- most likely she's also the Temple's "councelor", which means she'll also try to fill the role of "relationship councelor" by asking Obi-wan embarrassing personal questions which Asajj will answer with her usual cluelessness. Because Torin is convinced there's a relationship there. ((And here we thought she was psycho- she's actually pretty perceptive!))<strong>


	9. Asajj Ventress vs Library Work

**Not too sure how much I like this one- mostly it's a connector tto the next chapter, which I promise to have up tomorrow. It's nearly done!**

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><p>"Let me get this straight. She hit Master Vameo with her chart of the subconscious?"<p>

"Yes." Obi-wan sighed. To Ventress's surprise, Master Windu snorted slightly in what may have been a laugh. "You think it's funny?"

"No, I was not laughing." Mace insisted. "I just sneezed at a highly inconvenient moment."

"Alright then…" Ventress muttered.

"She hit Torin. With the subconscious board. Anyone else feeling a bit of déjà vu?"

"Don't I know it." Obi-wan agreed.

"Then perhaps we'll inflict the same punishment on her we used to place on skywalker. Three hours of library work."

"You're not kicking her out?" Obi-wan breathed, relieved.

"Normally I would, but as a favor to you, Obi-wan, we'll give her another chance."

"Thank you, Master Windu. I promise it won't happen again."

"Good. Now off to the library with you."

* * *

><p>"Pssst. Whatcha doin'?" Aayla pered around one of the bookshelves.<p>

"Library work. Boring stuff." Ventress whispered back.

"What did you do?"

"I hit Torin the psychologist."

"With her subconscious board?"

"Yeah. How'd you know?"

"Trust me, _everyone _around here wants to hit Torin with the subconscious board. Well, except for Mace Windu, but I still say that's because he _likes _her. Like, in a code-breaking way. You're only the second one to ever pull it off."

"Let me guess, Skywalker was first?"

"Yup. From what I heard, she told him his affections for a certain senator were based on his past. He said his feelings had nothing to do with his past. She pulled out the subconscious board, and he just whacked her with it."

"His past?"

"You know, as a slave."

"No. No I didn't know."

"Torin assumes anything you want and feel right now is based on something from your past. Like, if I'm hungry, it's because I went to bed without supper once when I was a younling or something. So of course, whatever Anakin does, it's because he was a slave. That bugs him, I guess."

"It'd bug me. Plus she tried to accuse me of having feelings for…"

"For Egghead?"

"Yeah. How'd you know?" _Oh dear Force is it that obvious?_

"Like I said, Torin's really predictable. If your master is the opposite gender, she thinks you must have feelings for them, regardless of how much of an egghead your master really is."

"My master is _not _an egghead."

"You keep telling yourself that." Aayla responded.

"He's not." She insisted, but Aayla had already left the library. "He's not an egghead!" She shouted after the Twi'lik, only to receive a resounding _Shhhhh! _from the librarian.

Irritated, Ventress hit the closest bookshelf. To her horror, it _tipped over. _And it knocked over the next one. And the next one. And down the whole row like dominoes, bookshelves were falling and crashing, sending books tumbling chaoticly to the floor. The librarian positively screamed, and the few Jedi in the library tried to stop the falling shelves with the Force, but at this point it was too late. The entire row- half the library- was collapsed.

No one had noticed Ventress yet. So she did what may have been the wise thing and took off like a shot down the hall and away from the library, which, she resolved, she would never enter again.

**Asajj Ventress: 1  
>Library: 0<strong>

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><p><strong>somehow I doubt Mace will ever assign Ventress to the library ever again...<strong>


	10. Asajj Ventress vs Mistletoe

**I was going to not publish another chapter for a few days, but then I got the idea to do a Christmas themed chapter, so I wrote this up quick as a gift to you guys- Merry Christmas!**

**I realize that the SW universe doesn't celebrate Christmas, but here they do. They probably don't have the month 'December' either, but just assume they do, for the purposes of the story.**

* * *

><p>This time she only stopped running when she slammed into someone and ended up sprawled on the floor. Whoever it was had been carrying an armload of boxes which tumbled to the floor.<p>

"Watch where you're going, would you?" Anakin snapped, recovering the boxes.

"You watch where you're going." She retorted, getting up off the floor.

"You watch your mouth, Padawan." He shot back. "I outrank you here."

Ventress growled under her breath but didn't say anything about it. "What's in all those, anyway?"

"Christmas decorations."

"Christmas decorations?"

"Yeah, you deaf? It's mid-December, and we should have really had these up by now."

"So why didn't we?"

"I was… I wanted to do it now."

"So you were procrastinating?"

"It's possible." Anakin responded. "But I'm not the only one decorating. The others could have got their butts in gear too." Sure enough, as Asajj looked around, she could see other Jedi hanging up garlands and lights all through the hallway.

"I didn't know the Temple celebrated Christmas."

"Of course we do."

"But Christmas is supposed to be a happy time. Jedi aren't supposed to have emotions."

"No, you have it wrong. Jedi aren't supposed to have attatchments or hatred. Happiness is fair game. And Christmas is the most popular holiday around here."

"Would you look at that." Obi-wan had come up from behind them. "Progress."

"Progress?" Ventress asked at the same time as Anakin said "What?"

"Prgoress." He repeated. "You two are on speaking terms." Anakin and Asajj looked at eachother and back at Obi-wan, then simultaneously shrugged.

"I better go put these up, or Mace'll yell at me again." Anakin toed a box.

"And send you to see Torin, I reckon?" Ventress asked.

Anakin snorted. "Yeah. Torin. Haven't seen her in a while. She tried to tell me that I only like Padme because she reminded me of my mom." He picked up the last box of decorations off the floor and set off down the hall. "Anyone else find it ironic that we're decorating the center of the temple into Winter Wonderland?" Skywalker called over his shoulder.

"Fun with irony!" Obi-wan called back.

"Irony?" Asajj questioned.

"The center of the temple is notorious for being drafty and cold."

"I don't get it." She said abruptly.

"It's made of stone, and really old, so it lets all the cold air in."

"No, not the Temple center. Christmas."

"You don't get Christmas?"

"Of course I understand Christmas, like the origins, and why we celebrate it, and the Reason for the season and all, but some of the traditions are just weird. Like garland- what does a prickley plant rope have to do with Christmas?"

"Um… I don't know."

"And lights? In what way do colored lights related to Christmas?"

Obi-wan coughed. "I don't know."

"Trees. Who was it that decided to cut down a tree- a prickley tree mind you- and throw shiny stuff all over it? Snowflake decorations- not every planet has snow in December. In fact, half of Corausant is in the middle of summer! And cookies, what do cookies have to do with Christmas?"

"Woah, slow down my dear. I don't know where they all started. They're just traditions that have come to be associated with Christmas."

Asajj ignored him. "And mistletoe has to be the dumbest one. _Oh, a leafy plant, let's all KISS eachother!" _She mimicked.

Obi-wan couldn't stop a laugh. "Well, it's easy to see why it's popular here in the Temple. It's the one time of year Jedi are welcome to kiss, with, really, no questions asked about attatchment. So we welcome the opportunity. Everyone needs a little fun now and then, us included."

"Mistletoe is your idea of fun?"

"Not everyone's. But yes, it's a nice excuse to kiss someone. Actually, I believe most of this garland all around us is mistletoe."

"Oh."

There was a moment of awkward silence, and her master's face was suddenly rather red.

"But what does it have to do with Christmas?" She asked, attempting to pull the topic back out of this embarrassing territory.

Kenobi shook his head. "I don't know, darling."

There was more silence.

"Have you ever… um… kissed anyone? Under the mistletoe, I mean?"

He coughed. "Once or twice."

"And here I thought you were innocent, well-behaved Kenobi." She teased.

"You underestimated my charm, my sweet. I've had quite a few women asking me in a not-so-subtle manner for a kiss."

"And you gave them one?" She asked incredulously. It was difficult to picture her master accepting "kiss invitations" from random female Jedi.

"No. I only kiss people who are… precious… to me." _Wait... didn't he call me his 'precious Padawan' yesterday? I wonder if he remembers that…_

"Doesn't that break the no-attatchment rule?"

"Probably. But it's Christmas." Suddenly his gaze was locked with hers, eyes reflecting the few lights that had already been plugged in. There was no one around; it was just her, Kenobi, and stupid mistletoe.

"Hey Ventress." A male voice spoke from behind her.

"Meep!" she squeaked in a most out of character manner, and lept towards Obi-wan, though she was not sure whether for protection or to keep him safe.

Anakin gave her a weird look. "I was just going to ask if you'd seen the tape, sheesh." The Jedi grumbled as he left the hallway.

"I take it you're still a little jumpy?"

"Yes." She responded, letting go of Kenobi. "Yes. I am a bit jumpy."

"From mistletoe?"

"Erm…"

"What's the worst that'll happen?"

"I dunno."

"Are you afraid of me?"

"No, absolutely not! Why would I be afraid of you?"

"Because I only kiss people who matter to me."

"Oh."

He cleared his throat as though it would clear the awkward sentiment of the conversation from the atmosphere. "How was library work?"

"Let's just say I'm not going back there."

"It's not that awful…"

"Let's just say that I'm in a world of trouble if I do."

"What did you _do?" _

"Let's just say that there are a lot of books of the floor that should be on the shelves."

To her surprise, Obi-wan laughed. "Ventress, you are quite a _unique_ character." He darted in abruptly and kissed her cheek. "Come on. Let's help Anakin find the tape."

**Asajj Ventress: ?  
>Mistletoe: 1<strong>

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><p><strong>In a way, I agree with Ventress. I want to know how some of these Christmas traditions have ANYTHING to do with Christmas. Oh, I like them, but I'm a curious sort of person and I wish I knew how they started. Anyway, that's just me.<strong>

**I hope you liked my Christmas themed chapter! **


	11. AsajjVentress vs Ghosts&ThingsThatGoBump

**Still not entirely pleased with this one. Too serious. Oh well. ((I'm not feeling the greatest right now so I have no muse to fix it. Curse you, cold season! Although I have been inspired to write a "Ventress vs disease" type chapter, so watch for that in a week or so. Maybe more.))**

**"This was HER room, and she was going to sleep in it!" is a modified version of "This is MY book, and I'm gonna read it!", which is borrowed from, again, MLP: FiM, because they have such lovely lines.**

* * *

><p>The rest of the day was spent primarily in helping decorate, once the ever-important roll of tape was found. It was overall quite pleasant, even though a few of the Jedi were still giving her dirty looks. Aayla chatted with her, as well as Adi and Kit, and of course Obi-wan, who still blushed madly when he saw her, but retained every other aspect of his composure.<p>

After dinner, she retreated back to her room for some well-needed sleep. After changing, again in the fresher, she crawled into her bed, determined that this time, she'd sleep for real, in her own bed, and without waking Obi-wan. Ghosts or no ghosts, this was _her _room, and she was going to sleep in it!

She was able to lay peacefully in bed for some amount of time between twenty-seven seconds and two minutes before she heard it again. _Thump. Thump. Thump. _Siri must be throwing something at the wall. Ventress flicked on the light. There was no sign of the blonde ghost, but that didn't mean she wasn't around.

Asajj clambered out of bed and knelt down by the wall. There was nothing there to throw; no miscellaneous objects were lying on the floor. There it came again: _thump. Thump. _It was coming from the _other _side of the wall. That was it. She was going next door and finding out the cause of this noise.

The new Padawan stormed down the hallway and knocked on the door next to hers. There was no response. _Probably Siri and an empty room, amusing herself. _Without any further bother, she opened the door and marched in.

Bad idea. Bad, bad, idea.

There was no Siri. Rather, there was Anakin Skywalker, sitting on his bed, shirtless, and bouncing a rubber ball off the wall. "What the…? What are you doing here?" he snapped.

"Heh, long story. I just wanted to know why you're doing that."

"Bored. Can't sleep. It's fun."

"Could you maybe bounce it off another wall? I'm trying to sleep over here."

"I always bounce it off this wall." Anakin protested. "You slept through it fine last night."

"Last night I had to go sleep in my master's room. Your master's room. Our master."

"Obi-wan?"

_No, a dancing elf. _"Yes, Obi-wan. Do you have another master that I don't know about?"

"Sheesh, ask a simple question." Anakin threw the ball again. It thumped off the wall, rebounded on the floor, and returned neatly to his hand. "I suppose I could do the other wall."

"Thank you." she turned to leave, but his voice stopped her.

"Ventress?"

"Hmm?"

"When did you turn dark?" She hadn't been expecting such a deep question, but thought of her answer anyway.

"I don't know, I guess when my Master died. I killed his murderer."

"But that wasn't really _dark, _was it? You weren't using your hatred as a weapon."

"I guess not. It was part self-defense, partly revenge, partly that I didn't want him to kill anymore. It was Dooku who thaught me about hate. May I ask why you ask?"

"No reason." It was an obvious fib. He threw the ball again. "I was worried."

"That I'll go back to darkness?"

"No. That I will." He replied softly.

"Why on earth would-"

"A… friend of mine has been teaching me some new fighting methods. I don't know, they're really effective, but…"

"Well, in my experience, there are usually three things involved in a fall to darkness. Fear or anger, loss, and the influence of someone dark."

Anakin was quiet for once. "Maybe you'll fit in here after all."

She grinned. "Thanks. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to bed."

"Ventress?"

"Yeah?"

"You said you slept in _Obi-wan's _room? Why, scared of a little thumping noise?"

"No. Just… noisy." Anakin gave her a one-eyebrow-raised look that he'd clearly learned from Obi-wan. "Like _you _never went running to Obi-wan with any of _your _troubles."

"Alright, so maybe I did." he admitted. "Goodnight, Ventress."

"Goodnight."

Finally, she was curled back up in her bed, trying to sleep, when she heard another voice. Not Siri's, but a man's voice. "Asajj Ventress."

"Who now?" she practically snapped, pulling the covers over her head.

"So you're the one in my old room."

She poked her head back out from under her blanket. "Qui-gon?"

"Yes, that's me." the voice responded. There was no one in the room, no shadowy figures, just this voice. "I thought I'd drop in and say hello to my Padawan's new Padawan."

"Oh. With all due respect, Master, do you think your friendly 'hello's could wait until a time when it's _not _eleven at night?"

"Yes, young one." He chuckled. His voice reminded her a little of Obi-wan's, warm and friendly, with a hint of amusement. "But what you said to Anakin is quite true, you know. You're smarter than you give yourself credit for." With these words, there was a swirl of light in her room, and Qui-gon was gone.

The Temple was a strange, strange place, Ventress reflected as she laid her head back down. But she rather liked it.

**Asajj Ventress: 1  
>Things that go bump in the night (AKA Anakin Skywalker): 0<br>Ghosts (AKA Qui-gon): 1**

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><p><strong>The next chapter will be about the Senate Christmas Ball! Which the Jedi, being generals, are now invited to. Asajj Ventress does not know how to ballroom dance. Expect choas, en masse. Oh, and maybe a bit of ObiAsajj trying to waltz. Keyword being "trying".**


	12. Asajj Ventress vs Waltzing

**I'm not thrilled with the beginning of this chapter, but I LOVE the middle and end, so that makes it all good, right? Yes, yes it does. And also, the Senate Ball will be NEXT chapter, because Ventress needed this chapter to learn how to dance so she doesn't wreck havoc at the ball. My guess is she will anyway, but I wanted another "Ventress asks Obi-wan questions he doesn't know the answers to" chapter. **

* * *

><p>Time flew by. Christmas was fast approaching, and for once in her life, Asajj was actually excited for it. The Temple was aglow with lights and tinsil, and athough she still had no idea <em>why<em>, she enjoyed it anyway. The whole atmosphere had changed, and it seemed as though everyone was suddenly extra nice, extra giving, and extra _hyper. _

"Hey master, Sithy." Anakin greeted cheerily.

"It's not very nice to call her 'Sithy', Anakin." Obi-wan chided. His words fell on deaf ears, as was the norm.

"Whatever. Ahsoka!" at his call, a young Togruta female came walking across the center of the Temple, several cookies in her hand. "Have you met Obi-wan's new Padawan yet?"

Ahsoka wrinkled her nose. "I believe I've already had the pleasure."

"You two talk for a minute. I want to ask Obi-wan about something."

As the two older Jedi turned away, Asajj heard Obi-wan mutter, "Are you sure that's the best idea? They don't exactly get along."

"I've been putting out my best effort to accept her, for your sake. Ahsoka can just do the same."

"So. Obi-wan finally has you as an apprentice, huh?" Ventress's focus snapped back to the girl standing in fron of her.

"Yes."

"Why does he think you'll ever be a real Jedi?"

"Because I will be, Padawan."

"Touchy. But guess what? I outrank you here."

"Perhaps you do." Ventress muttered, determined not to let Anakin's Padawan bother her. "But I could still beat you in a fight under any circumstances."

"Is that a challenge?"

"If you want it to be."

"Alright then. But good luck fighting me without any sabers." Ahsoka's face curled into a wicked grin. "You don't have sabers yet, do you?"

"No, I don't. But when I get them, you are in for a world of defeat." Asajj was surprised at her own level of calm. Perhaps being out of Dooku's influence was good for her.

"I'd suggest you not do that, if you want to keep training."

"Look, child." Ventress said, "If you're trying to bother me, than it's not working. I don't know what your problem is-"

"What my problem is? _My problem? _My problem is that you nearly _killed _me only a few months ago! Remember that?"

"Yes, I remember. Maybe you should learn from your master and try to get along for Obi-wan's sake."

Ahsoka scowled but said nothing.

"Thank you."

"Oh, and by the way, I do know _exactly _how to bother you."

"Try me."

Ahsoka stated calmly, "My master is better than yours."

Something inside Ventress snapped. Most likely her self-control. "No, he's not. Anakin skywalker will forever be below Obi-wan."

Ahsoka smirked. "Anakin's so much of a better teacher."

"No. Shut up."

"Aayla said it bugs you when she calls him egghead. Is that true?"

"No. Yes." Asajj scowled. "Obi-wan's not an egghead. And he's better than Anakin."

"Told you I could bother you."

"You take it back. Right now. Or I swear I will-"

"What's going on here?" Obi-wan interrupted.

"Nothing, Master Obi-wan. We were just having a friendly conversation about training."

"She tried to say that Anakin was a better master than you." Asajj snarled.

"This _bothers _you?" Anakin asked, his face an exact duplicate of Ahsoka's look. How wonderful. Like Master, like Padawan.

"A little."

Anakin laughed. "Come on, Snips. Let's try to humor Obi-wan and be nice to his apprentice."

"Humor me?" Obi-wan asked, turning to face Skywalker. "Do not _humor me. _I want you to be nice because she's one of us now."

"Alright then. Merry Christmas, Bog witch!" Ahsoka skipped off happily. Anakin shrugged and followed her.

"While I'm glad you're defensive of me, Asajj, you can't let your temper get the better of you." Obi-wan reprimanded.

"I _did _control my temper. Mostly."

"Let me get this straight. You were able to control your temper until she claimed Anakin was better?"

"The things she said about me were _true. _But you are and always will be superior to Skywalker."

"As glad as I am for the compliment, you can't let her get to you like that. What happens if you're fighting an opponent and they start insulting you? Or me, whichever? If you fly off the handle like that, it'll be easier for them to gain an advantage."

She sighed. "You're right Master. And I will _try _to get along with Ahsoka."

"Good. I'm already impressed with how well you're getting along with Anakin. You've made a lot of progress."

"I'm almost civilized, hmm?"

"Almost, almost." Kenobi chuckled. "Which reminds me. You're invited to a ball."

"A ball?" _I'm guessing he doesn't mean the kind we play Forceball with..._

"Yes, the annual Senate Christmas Ball. As the Jedi are now Generals, we're all invited to this ball. I need you to be on the best behavior you can, as it's quite a fancy place. Very civilized, you might put it, although it's not really to my taste."

_Oh dear… Fancy? I don't know fancy! I come from a planet where it's socially acceptable to challenge someone to a fight to the death and take all their stuff if you win! _"What's all going to be at this ball, anything I should know about?"

"Oh, nothing too difficult. There's no dinner, thankfully, or you'd need a crash course in fine dining. Just drinks and dancing."

"Dancing? Please tell me I do not have to participate in the dancing."

"It's not that bad, really. It's acceptable to leave after an hour or so, as long as you stay for the toast."

"Toasted what?"

She could see Obi-wan struggling not to facepalm. "No, a toast. As in, a drink to the health of the Republic."

"The republic doesn't have health. It's an organiza-"

"Yes, dear, I _know. _It doesn't make sense. It's just a tradition, and it's considered impolite to leave before the toast."

"Yes, but what are we toasting here?"

"The health of the republic."

"No, what are we toasting, bread? Some form of meat?" _Over open flames? That sounds dangerous…_

"Nothing to do with toasting food." Obi-wan explained.

"Than what _are_ we toasting?"

"It just means that someone says "To the health of the Republic", or something along those lines, and then we all drink."

"Then why is it called a _toast?_"

"I have no idea."

"You live in a strange society, Obi-wan."

"Perhaps I do, young one." He admitted, smiling.

"I am not that much younger than you."

"Tradition again. Many masters refer to their Padawans as "Young one". It's just a term of affection for an apprentice."

"But you and I are certainly not the traditional age for Master and Apprentice."

"I suppose you're right. But there is _some _age gap, and I think I need as much as I can get of it if I'm going to be a proper Master."

"Obi-wan?"

"Yes?"

"What about the dance? Am I going to be expected to _dance _during this time before toast?"

"Not for all the time, but yes. You are expected to dance."

"I don't know how."

"You're graceful enough, you'll get the hang of it."

"No, I mean, _I never learned how. _I have no idea how to even start."

"Well then. I guess I'll be teaching you. You do know it's tomorrow evening, right?"

* * *

><p>Obi-wan managed to drill a basic waltz step into her head, although it was a difficult thing to remember. She'd step left instead of right, and forwards when she should step back.<p>

"No, backwards now."

"But I _feel _like I should step forwards." She insisted. "Forward would be more natural." She stood at the center of one of the small Forceball courts, Obi-wan standing a few feet away, eyes trained on her feet.

"But that's now how a waltz pattern goes."

"Why not?"

As usual, her question caught him off guard. "I don't know."

"There are all sorts of things in your world that you don't know. Why has no one ever asked about these things before?"

"Because you, my dear, don't know much, but you're bright enough to ask about the things you don't know. Perhaps you're smarter than I am, questioning everything. I've just learned to accept these things, like everyone else."

"Left foot… right?"

"No, right foot left. You're trying to lead."

"Lead?"

"Technically, one person in the couple is supposed to "lead", or decide which way to step next."

"But I thought you follow the pattern. Why do you need someone to decide which way to step next if we're following a pattern?"

"Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Asking me things I don't know!" There was a spark of amusement in his voice.

"If I don't ask things, how do I learn?" She purred.

"At least try to ask me _something _I know for once."

"Alright, who leads then? Whoever has more dance experience?"

"Traditionally, the male."

"Why?"

"I… don't know." he admitted. "They're usually taller, maybe that's it."

"What does that have anything to do with leading?"

"It's... easier to see where you're going? I don't know, my dear. I know nothing about dancing except how to do it."

"What if the male isn't taller?" she turned to face him, noting that her eyes were level with his.

"Why do you look at _me_ when you say that?" Obi-wan asked suspiciously.

"I don't know what you're talking about, darling." She replied in mock innocence.

"I said _usually,_ alright?" Kenobi snapped defensively. "There's no need to-" he shut up as she threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly.

"You're a good height." Asajj mumbled. Her chin rested nicely against his shoulder.

"Good for what?"

"For hugging." His arms had come up around her, too, and suddenly, here she was, in the middle of an embrace. What was _wrong _with her? Normally she was quite disgusted by things that were this touchy-feely-emotiony… Obi-wan let go, so she did the same.

"Alright, since you can't really dance, how about you dance with me? that way no one will notice if you stumble or move the wrong direction."

"I like this plan. You do all the leading, okay?"

"Brilliant. Just, whatever you do, do _not _wear high heels. Anakin will never let me live that down."

"Don't worry, I wouldn't anyway. I wouldn't know how to walk in them."

**Asajj Ventress: 1  
>Waltzing: 0<strong>

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><p><strong>And there is a hug.<strong>

**Waltzing is hard stuff I tell you. Expect it to make a comeback in the next round. Oh well, at least Asajj gets to dance with her master. I don't think he'll enjoy it much though. She's a toe-stepper XD**


	13. Asajj Ventress vs Waltzing Round 2!

**I really struggled with this chapter for some reason, and I can't get the ending right. D:  
>Please let me know what you thought, as usual :3<strong>

* * *

><p>"Do you think you're ready for this, my dear?"<p>

"As ready as I can be for a ball." Asajj and Obi-wan were both seated on a special transport arranged to carry the Jedi to the party. It was packed with other Jedi as well, all of them in neat, clean Jedi Robes, traditional planetary clothing, or even suits and ball gowns, for those who were rather fond of dances.

Both she and Obi-wan had opted for "neat clean Jedi robes". Her robes were brand new, female cut, midnight blue, and spotless, as she hadn't had the chance to spill anything on them or singe them yet. Obi-wan wore a set of white robes that looked fairly new, although he'd confided that they were the same ones he'd worn last year.

Anakin, to both of their surprise, had a suit. Aayla had donned a festive red gown that clashed horribly with the bright blue of her skin.

"Don't be nervous, Asajj." Obi-wan said suddenly.

"Nervous? Me?"

"I feel your anxiety. It won't be that hard, I promise. I've been coming to this ball every year for quite some time now, and it's the same every year. The polite conversation, who dances with who, and the disgusting Corausantian wine in the toast. I suppose I'll mix it up a little, since you're here and we'll be dancing, but really, nothing to worry about."

"Oh no, only the fact that I'll be at a ball with people who used to be on the opposite side as me and will all be giving me the cold shoulder. And only the fact that I've never danced before in my life and all of these people will be watching me. And after I do horribly I'll probably be sent back to see the psychologist. That's all."

"Come on, it won't be that hard. I'll help you out." The transport landed, and the Jedi started slowly filing out into the grand ballroom of the Senate.

The ballroom was massive, and the ceiling was high and arched. The floor was polished tile, the walls stone, and the ceiling glass, or some similar substance, but Asajj guessed that there was a forcefield above it, because glass was simply so easy to penetrate. _Here I go again, thinking everything in terms of infiltration… _Beams of wood and crystal criss-crossed the ceiling, and all of them were wrapped in festive garland. Gold lights and more garland were strung around the walls.

Against the left wall was a raised platform with a band of quite a few humanoids and even more instruments. Across the room from it was a large clump of round tables; chairs were pulled around them, and there were already a few politicians seated and discussing things there. Along the far wall, there was only one thing- a long, narrow table, with hundreds and thousands of wine glasses standing in rows, each of them filled with a golden orange liquid. The room was lit with chandeliers, very fancy, shiny ones, and Asajj's first thought was that she would not be standing under one because it would be far too easy for someone to send one crashing down upon their victim.

The band was already playing, and there were many people dancing. Oh Force, that meant _she _was expected to dance. Plus, with Obi-wan leading, she'd have to be careful not to let him linger too long under those chandeliers, because her master had a nice bounty on his head, and she was not about to let him get himself killed.

"Kenobi. Chandeliers are death traps. Avoid them." She muttered out of the corner of her mouth.

Obi-wan just gave her this… look, like he wasn't quite sure how to respond to that, or whether he should take her seriously or be amused. "Death traps?" he whispered back, curiously.

"They look like it'd be easy to kill someone with. I don't want to stand under them."

"I'll try to stay away from them then, for your sake." The corners of his mouth were twithing upwards, but he was doing his very best to stay serious. "Shall we?"

"Gladly." They'd made their way to a fairly empty place on the floor, which was a hard task at this point. Most of the Jedi were pairing off and beginning their dancing, although a few were speaking with senators. Anakin Skywalker, she noticed, was dancing with a young brunette in a burgundy gown, who was far more graceful than he was. Aayla had wandered over towards the band, maybe she was… Obi-wan was offering her his hand.

"What do I do here?" she whispered

"Right hand on my shoulder, left hand in mine." He responded, glancing over his shoulder. A few people were pointing and whispering already. They began their dance, Ventress concentrating on the pattern she'd learned. And then she stepped on something. She didn't have to look down to realize what it was, because she could tell from Obi-wan's face that it had been his foot.

"Sorry, sorry." She whispered. They danced on, but things did _not _improve. She mussed up the pattern several times, ending up stepping away from him or worse still, stepping on his toes again. "Sorry master." "Sorry." "Sorry, I-"

"It's alright." Obi-wan winced as she once again managed to step on his foot. "I just thought you'd be a little better at this. That's the fourth time, and we've only danced one song."

"Do you want to sit down?"

"A break would be nice, yes."

"Oh, Master Obi-wan!" Suddenly a voice called from behind them, stopping them mid-way to the tables.

"Senator Amidala, lovely to see you." The brunette who had been dancing with Skywalker had come towards them, smiling warmly at Obi-wan.

"Padme is fine, there's no need… for formality…" She finished weakly. She'd noticed Ventress for the first time.

"Padme, this is my new apprentice, Asajj." Ventress dipped her head politely.

"Oh. Asajj as in…."

"_The _Asajj Ventress, yes." Anakin cut in, joining the group. "Obi-wan's adopted her into the Jedi order. For some reason, he's training her."

"What do you mean, 'for some reason'?" Obi-wan asked.

"Not much of an age difference for Master and Padawan, is all Anakin meant." Padme responded smoothly. "So I'd like to personally welcome you, to both the Republic and to our annual ball."

"Thank you Senator." Vetress replied. She really didn't know what she was saying or doing, so perhaps it'd be best if she kept the talking to a minimum.

"Just think, Anakin. You and Obi-wan will be on the battlefield with Ventress soon- only on the same side."

Anakin snorted. "Don't I know it. I've already got my hands full rescueing Obi-wan, but now I have to help him look after his Padawan, too? I've got my own apprentice to handle already."

"You don't rescue me _that _often, Anakin." Obi-wan said rather defensively.

"I wasn't aware he ever rescued you at all." Asajj breathed, glancing at her master. _Oh, so even _you _have your brushes with trouble, hmm Obi-wan?_

"It seems I'm quite a magnet for trouble. Although admittedly, I'm usually stuck in more dangerous mission than anyone else in the whole Temple, except for perhaps this one." He nudged Anakin. "With you on our side, though, my life just may be a bit easier."

"More than a bit." Asajj asserted. "If you're ever in trouble, I'll be helping Skywalker with the rescuing."

"Perfect!" Anakin beamed. "You rescue Obi-wan, and that way I can concentrate on saving the rest of the galaxy. After all, what else does Obi-wan have Padawans for? Right Master?"

"Oh absolutely. It's not like you learned _everything you know _from me or anything like that."

Padme glanced across the room. "As much as I love talking with you, I really hae to go- you klnow how it is, being a Senator. Every social event is a business meeting. And I'm fairly sure Bail is motioning me over. I'll see you later in the evening, Master Obi-wan, Asajj…" She gave Skywalker a rather significant glance. "Anakin."

"Goodnight, Senator." Anakin responded in a perfectly gentlemanly way.

"Care to dance, Skywalker?" Shaak Ti grinned.

"Well, this is a ball. Might as well." Anakin grabbed shaak's offered hand with a shrug, and the two whirled out onto the floor.

"Could they _be _any more obvious?" Obi-wan muttered.

"What's that?"

"Oh. I'm sure you noticed that look between Padme and Anakin."

"What about it? Are they…"

"There's something between those two. I don't know if it's just chemistry, or if they have a whole secret relationship. But it's something." Kenobi shrugged too. "Unless one of them tells me, I won't intrude. Care to dance again?"

"I'll try."

The whole next song, Asajj's eyes were on Skywalker. He finished dancing with Shakk and then moved on to a Twi'lik sh didn't recognize, then to a blonde senator several years his senior. His glances, however, were all across the room, to where Senator Padme was speaking with this Bail and someone who was presumably his wife.

With her focus shifted, she messed up her own dancing even worse. Obi-wan had learned to avoid her feet, moving out of the way with quick little steps, but the overall effect of their dance was simply not good.

And then it happened. The song was drawing to a close, and Ventress spun outwards away from Kenobi. She barely bumped the long, narrow table, but regardless, it wobbled dangerously. The song reached a great crescendo of brass and string as the table fell over. It moved in almost low motion, and Ventress managed to catch it with the Force, but accompanying the grand chord of music was the sound of thousands upon thousands of wine glasses hitting the tile floor and shattering.

The very last notes of the song were interesting. A few of the musicians played anyway, but most trailed off, as did all the talking. There was dead silence, except for the occasional shift of glass, which was followed by the tinkle of more glasses breaking. The entire room was staring at her.

Asajj ran again. The door back to the transport had people standing around near it, so she opted for ducking among the tables. Anything to get out of public eye. She had ruined Obi-wan's social reputation, most likely, as well as made an absolute disgrace of herself and the Jedi order she now represented. She had destroyed any chance of this upcoming 'toast'. Finally, with the crowd in an uproar, she managed to slip into the ladies room.

It was quite a while before Aayla found her there, leaning against the far wall. "There you are. What on earth are you doing in here? Me and Egghead have been running around outside looking for you!" She stuck her head back out the door. "I found her!"

"Why were you looking for me?"

"He wants to talk to you."

"Tell him to go jump off a cliff."

Aayla opened the door a bit. "She says to go jump-"

"Not literally!" Ventress snapped in reply. "I don't want to talk to him right now."

"Why not?"

"Because I have ruined his reputation with just about everyone here."

"Just come out." Obi-wan's voice floated through the door. "I don't want to pass everything through Aayla."

Asajj sighed. "Very well then." The ballroom was partially empty at this point- it appeared a lot of people who had been staying only for the toast- to be polite, few people actually enjoyed the taste- had gone home. There were still a quite a few couples dancing, however, and even more people were chatting around he tables.

"Don't _do _that to me." said Obi-wan.

"I'm sorry, I didn't _mean _to knock over the-"

"Not the table. You just run off like that, I thought you'd gone outside. These are dangerous streets if you aren't armed."

"I can handle it Kenobi. I may be your Padawan, but you have to remember that I have years of experience with fistfighting."

Obi-wan looked sort of disgraced by the mention of fistfighting, but continued anyway. "If you wanted to get lost of the streets of Corausant, it'd be easy."

"Point being?"

"What if I never found you?"

"Get a new Padawan, end of story."

"But I like the one I have currently, thank you. Come on, you don't have to hide." _He actually likes training me. That has to be a first, someone who enjoys my company. Master Ky always said I was tolerable. But tolerable isn't the same as "I enjoy your company enough to train you." He was training me so that he'd have a native on his side, and because I had talent. I get the idea Obi-wan's doing all this simply out of fondness. Oh dear Force, he's _fond _of me. Aayla may be right. He just may be an egghead._

"I am not hiding. That said, I do not wish to go back into the view of many people who hate me." So inotherwords, she was hiding.

"Come on, they don't hate you!" Aayla interjected. There was a slight pause. "Ok, so maybe they do. But they don't hate you any more than they hated you before." Another silence. "Ok, ok, so maybe they hate you more than they did before. But only a little." Obi-wan and Asajj watched her for a moment. "Ok, so maybe more than a little. Maybe more like-"

Obi-wan elbowed her. "You're not helping."

"Fine, geez. I'll leave then." Aayla whisked away, red gown swishing. "Egghead."

"Really, please come back and dance again. I need a partner."

"There must be someone willing to-"

"Long story short, I'm trying to avoid a certain duchess that I'm afraid will ask me to dance."

"Decline."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"It's not polite."

Ventress sighed. "You know I'm a horrible dancer."

"Yes, my feet quite remember that. I don't really understand though. I thought you'd be a wonderful dancer."

"What on corausant made you think that a woman who grew up on a savage planet and then trained as a sith assassin would be good at ballroom dancing?"

"Our duels." She stared at him blankly. "When we fought, you'd match my every move, to block my saber. Sometimes you were on the offensive, but when you went on defense, it felt like a dance. Like I was leading and you were keeping up, perfectly in time to block every strike and without a foot out of place. You're very graceful, really. I think you're focusing too hard on getting the feet right and not thinking about just… flowing." There was another pause. "I'm sorry. That was a lot."

"You're right though." _As usual. _"If I let go… and reached to you through the Force…"

"You'd be fantastic."

She offered him her hand. "Shall we?"

"absolutely, my darling." Obi-wan took her proffered hand in his, then gently laid his other hand on her side. He stepped very slowly at first, but now that she was feeling cues from him, sensing which direction he would step and mathing it, Ventress was starting to pick up on this whole waltzing thing. The Jedi she was dancing with seemed to sense her comprehension, because he sped up the pace of his steps. She easily felt it coming and kept up nicely.

They managed to waltz their way onto the floor easily, hands still clasped. Before Asajj could even realize it, she was dancing. She was dancing well. She was dancing with Obi-wan Kenobi. Who would have thought this would happen?

"Excuse me. Mind if I cut in?" A short, blonde woman with big blue eyes had tapped her shoulder, obviously wanting a turn with Obi-wan.

Too bad.

"Yes, I do mind, sorry." Ventress responded, before briefly taking the lead and whisking Kenobi away from the aqua-gowned woman.

"Ventress!" he objected, though only once they were out of hearing range, she noted.

"What?"

"You were supposed to let her cut in."

"She asked if I minded. I do mind."

"Yes, but it's polite. It's just a social expectation."

"I was very polite. I said sorry and everything." She purred. "And what's the point of asking first if I have to just hand you over regardless of what my answer would be?"

"I suppose you're right. And I didn't really want to dance with her, anyway. You, my dear, are a far better partner."

The song ended, and there was a quiet time while the band switched out their sheet music. Anakin too this opportunity to wander over.

"What'd you guys miss the bus, or what?"

"Indeed we did. We'll have to try to get an air taxi, although it'll probably be a while."

"You can ride with me. I pre-scheduled one because I knew Padme would want me to stay late. I mean, Senator Amidala." Obi-wan rolled his eyes. "And since when can you dance?"

"I've always danced at this ball, Anakin."

"No, her." Anakin jerked his head towards Asajj.

"Since Kenobi taught me just a few minutes ago."

"Why are you even here?" Anakin asked, looking rather confused.

"I'm a Jedi now. Or have you forgotten?" She teased.

"But you're a Padawan. Padawan's aren't required to attend, you know."

"We aren't?"

"Why do you think Ahsoka's not here?"

Ventress glanced at Obi-wan. "But I thought…" he was flushed slightly, but perhaps it was just from dancing. "I mean… I wanted to experience a real Senate event."

Anakin shrugged. "Suit yourself." He snorted slightly with laughter. "Suit… I'm wearing a suit… pun…" Realizing that neither his master nor Asajj found his pun humorous, he muttered a hasty goodbye and returned to Padme, sorry, _Senator Amidala. _

"You told me I was supposed to be here!" she hissed to Obi-wan as the music started again.

"Erm… you are the proper age to be here. And also I never told you that you _had _to come, only that you were invited." She gave him a scathing look. "Alright, so I just wanted a dance partner." He admitted, flushing again. _He's rather… adorable with that sheepish look. Well, more adorable than usual anyway. Wait. Since when do I use the word 'adorable'? To describe _anything? _I really hope I'm not going soft, living with all these Jedi. _

"I suppose that's a forgivable excuse." She purred, her hand finding his shoulder.

"And you are, as I hoped, a marvelous dancer, my dear." There was a note of relief in his voice, as though he were glad she wasn't upset that he'd "tricked" her into coming to this ball. How could she possibly be upset when he'd just wanted to dance with her? His arm wrapped a little tighter than necessary around her side, pulling her a little closer than necessary.

"I learned from the best there is." _The very best, master._

They stayed until the end of the party, mostly because they were waiting for Anakin so they could ride home with him, but said Jedi noticed that neither of them danced with anyone else the entire evening. After all, why would they?

**Asajj Ventress: 1  
>Waltzing: Thousands upon thousands<br>Obi-wan Kenobi: Infinity**


	14. Asajj Ventress vs Hair Tonic

**'Ello everyone! I have returned! This is a short little one about Asajj Ventress and Mace Windu, who certainly don't get along, but have a nice little back-and-forth about hair cream. This is one of the first adventures I thought up when I created this story, but due to more pressing storyline issues, was pushed back to whenever. Whenever is now. Enjoy!**

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><p>Life in the Temple returned to normal- at least, as normal as it could get. The Jedi resumed their duties, the Senators continued whatever it was Senators did, and everyone else went home. Asajj, however, was faced with the prospect of a meeting with Mace Windu.<p>

"So."

Asajj sighed inwardly. This was going to be like watching paint dry, wasn't it?

"You knocked over the _entire _drink table?" It was also rapidly heading in the direction of a session with Torin- Asking questions he already knew the answers to.

"Yes." What else could she respond with?

Mace was massaging his scalp with his fingertips. "Why?"

Ventress bit back an obnoxious reply. "It was an accident." Honestly, why did everyone seem to think she did everything on purpose? Did she really come off as reckless? Vengeful?

Okay, probably she did, but at least she wasn't stupid. She wasn't going to do anything that might endanger her new position here.

Mace finally looked up at her. "I'll have to send you to see Master Vameo again, you know that?" She must have made something of a face, because he continued, "Come on, she's a wonderful counselor, great for long chats. It won't be that awful."

"I don't particularly enjoy "chatting" with Master Vameo. Could I "chat" with someone else?"

"Like who?"

She hesitated. She talked with basically two people- Obi-wan and Aayla. "I don't know, someone who doesn't think _every move I make _has to do with my childhood?"

"Torin- I mean, Master Vameo, is a trained professional." Mace stood, and she copied him. "Now go on, she has some free time in about half an hour."

She briefly wondered if she should ask him how he knew, but decided against it. She was in enough trouble already.

"Oh, and by the way, would you like to buy some hair tonic?"

The question was so unexpected she almost laughed. "May I ask why?"

"For, you know, growing hair." He answered, as though it were obvious.

"I mean, why are you trying to sell it to me?"

"Do you object to receiving an offer to buy hair tonic?" He asked in all seriousness.

"What I mean is, _you are not a hair tonic salesman."_

"And?"

"And if I can put it bluntly, you don't have much hair yourself."

"And?"

"So why are _you _advertising hair tonic?"

"I believe someone who could use the product themselves is a great advertisement."

Asajj gave him a skeptical look. "You bought it off late night TV, didn't you?"

He sighed. "Yes."

"And it didn't work."

"Yes."

"And you're trying to pawn it off on me."

He scowled, but in a way that was almost amused. "Get out of my office." She happily obliged.

**Asajj Ventress: 1  
>Mace Windu: 0<strong>


	15. Asajj Ventress vs Obiwan being stubborn

**Thought I'd whip up another of these for you guys- whole thing was made with a half hour of free time as I attempt to adjust to my new living quarters. 'Cuz I moved while you guys weren't watching. Enjoy- this one starts out mid conversation between our heroine and her master/best friend/only friend/possible love interest.**

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><p>"I mean, think about it." Ventress continued, getting caught up with a bit of enthusiasm for her idea. "Us, together, it'd be fantastic."<p>

Obi-wan shook his head. "Asajj, we can't. It's dangerous and irresponsible."

"Yes, and I _know_ irresponsible goes against some sort of policy you have set for yourself, but…" She leaned down to where Obi-wan sat, resting her chin almost on his shoulder, "I also know you really want to." she said softly.

He released his grip on the datapad he was holding, and it hit the desk with a soft thump. She could tell, just from his slightly startled expression, that she had him. He wanted this. He wanted to go against rules. She smirked slightly.

"At least admit it." Ventress demanded.

He sighed. "Asajj, no."

"Go on. Tell me the truth."

"You know the rules."

"I know them. But the rules say nothing about simple admittance."

She could see him struggling with his dignity, and his civilized-ness, but in the end he gave up. "Alright, it's true. I feel the same."

"Say it."

He looked up towards where she stood over him and gave his apprentice a look of wide-eyed sheer frustration and disbelief that made him look a bit mad- almost crazy. "What do you want me to say? Word for word, Ventress, tell me what you want."

"I want you to admit that we would look great walking casually away from an explosion behind us and then standing back to back, sabers ignited. I want you to say that this would look completely epic- which is a word I have never used before and may never use again. I want you to say that."

"It would look epic." He said simply. She arched an eyebrow. "You're right, my dear, it would." He conceded. "That does not, however, mean we are blowing anything up."

She chuckled. "I never said we had to. I just wanted you to loosen up a bit about it. Now come on. Let's get lunch." Asajj pulled his arm, and he followed, smiling. Once in a while, she'd be completely right in her uncivilized way. And that was good.

**Asajj Ventress: 1  
>Obi-wan Kenobi: 0<strong>

**Had you going, didn't I? XD Ventress wins this round, as Obi-wan admitted that something so uncivilized can indeed look epic. Also this one dedicated to a friend ((no idea if she's on this site or not, registered or otherwise)) who is a master at the frustrated/what-do-you-want/stark-raving-mad look Obi-wan briefly dons. I imagine he learned it while putting up with Anakin. TTFN, kind readers.**


	16. Asajj Ventress vs Obnoxious Jedi

**This one's a bit longer than most, but the idea was so great that I had to write it down almost as soon as I thought about it. If you haven't seen any Lauren Cooper, I recommend you go watch a few episodes before you read this- they're less than five minutes long each and _hilarious._ This is based off of Lauren Cooper's style of verbal attack- copyright Catherine Tate. **

Still enjoying her recent victory over Obi-wan, Asajj was in a rather pleasant mood at lunch, although she and Obi-wan found themselves at a table alone. This was not a rare occurance, since so many people despised her, although she felt bad that some of Obi-wan's friends were giving him a cold shoulder whenever she was present. However, no one had outright insulted them since her arrival, which was what made it surprising when a Padawan walking past hissed "Pathetic Sithscum" at them.

"And a lovely day to you too." Obi-wan muttered back.

"That was…?" Asajj asked, watching the boy's receding back.

"Samson. His Master and I aren't on the best of terms. To be honest, I'm surprised that he said anything without his Master around, since she usually snaps at him when he speaks without being asked a question."

"So you have enemies even here, Kenobi?" she asked. "Who is this master of his?"

"Tarna Ress." Obi-wan said with a slight scowl. "She hates my guts, for some reason."

"And you feel the same?"

"Well… hate is a strong word. But I sincerely wish that she would go mute." Obi-wan took a bite of his sandwich, and finished chewing and swallowing before he spoke again. "It seems like she never has anything pleasant to say to me. She even tried to have myself and Anakin expelled from the Order a few times. Nearly succeeded with Anakin, although her proposals about me were turned down right away, thankfully."

"And how long until she's after me?"

"Not long, I'd guess."

"And you'd be right." A cold female voice stated, and the two of them looked up to see a tall woman who appeared to be half human, half Togrota approaching the table.

"Speak of the devil." Obi-wan muttered, putting his sandwich back on his plate.

"Oh, you were talking about me? How… touching. I see you've alienated the whole Temple with your apprentice."

"Just like you've alienated them with your personality, I suppose?" Obi-wan asked levelly, still seated.

Tarna cut to the chase. "When are you going to stop taking on rubbish as apprentices?"

"When are you going to stop talking to me?" Obi-wan retorted.

She ignored his reply. "After all that's happened in your messed-up teaching line, I'm surprised the order has even allowed you to continue training. If it were me in charge, you'd be out of the Temple by now."

"You're not in charge." Obi-wan pointed out.

"You're continuing a line started by a Jedi who is now a powerful sith, and filled with failures. Didn't your master ever tell you that his first Padawan went dark? Haven't you noticed how poorly your old Padawan does at following rules? And now you're taking on this dark filled mess? You're a risk yourself, we don't need you training people who shouldn't be here to begin with."

"Dang it, Tarna, will you give it a rest?" Obi-wan snapped, his calm composure somewhat shattered. "You've been insulting myself, my master, and my Padawans from the start, and what good is it doing you?"

Asajj thought she knew that answer. There was a subtle smirk on the master's face, and a satisfied gleam in her eye. She'd upset Obi-wan, and that gave her some sick satisfaction. And Ventress was not going to stand by and let this vulture bother her master day after day.

"What good it's doing is that maybe someone besides me will have an interest in taking out the trash in this Order."

Obi-wan rose to stand face to face with her, although even at his tallest, she still stood above him. "Throw your insults at me all you want, but you're talking about my Master's memory, my friend Anakin, and my current Padawan, and they are _very _important to me. So I recommend you _stop."_

"Oh, and what are you going to do about it Kenobi? Negotiate me to death? Maybe run to the council for help, like you did when you were training the _Chosen One_?" Her eyes flitted towards Asajj. "Or send your savage new Padawan on me?"

"That is _enough." _Obi-wan stated coldly, although Asajj could see that he really didn't know what he'd do if she continued. Luckily, Asajj did.

"Am I bothered though?" She asked quietly.

Obi-wan turned to look at her quizzically, and Tarna retorted with, "Padawans should only speak when asked a question."

Asajj stood, her eyes level with the other Jedi's. "Well, I'm asking the question right now. Am. I. Bothered."

Tarna looked at her for a moment, perhaps unsure of what to counter that with.

"No, I'm not bothered. You called me rubbish, and I'm not bothered. Look at my face." Ventress continued. "Do I look bothered?"

"Sit down!" Tarna ordered.

"You know what? No. I'm not sitting down. You don't order me to sit down, Obi-wan does. And look at _his _face. Is he ordering me to sit down?" she took a quick glance at Obi-wan who looked startled, but pleased. "No, he's not. So regardless of what you tell me to do, I'm _not bothered!" _Asajj was almost shouting now, and a few people in the cafeteria were looking on.

"Don't you _dare _talk to me this way, you filthy, uncivilized-"

"Uncivilized?" Ventress caught on the word. "You're insulting me again. You're insulting my home planet." Tarna tried to interject, but Asajj didn't let her. "You're insulting my entire planet. And you're insulting my dear master Obi-wan and the Jedi order. And you know what?"

Asajj paused to see if Tarna would have a response. She didn't.

"I'm. _not. BOTHERED!" _

"That is enough!" Tarna shouted. By now all the surrounding tables were watching their little match. "Kenobi! Control your apprentice!"

Obi-wan looked more amused than anything else. "With all _due _respect, Master Ress," -his voice was coated with sarcasm- "You seem to be the one out of control here."

"I am most certainly _not _out of control!" This statement was contradicted by the fact that is was shouted nearly in his face.

"You look bothered." Asajj put in, still coolly.

"You, shut up!" she shouted.

"Shut up?" Asajj asked, the focus again on her. "You know what I say to that?"

"I told you to-"

"Not bothered!"

"Shut up!"

"Not bothered."

"Shut up!" Louder and angrier.

"Not bothered." Calm and amused.

"Shut up!"

"Not. bothered."

Tarna was seething, despite the fact that the entire cafeteria was staring at her. In clear contrast in volume to her earlier shouts to shut up, she hissed, "I _hate _you."

Ventress looked back at the other woman for a moment, delight glimmering in her eyes, before finally responding at the same volume- "And I'm not bothered."

The Jedi let out a shriek of frustration that made sure _everyone _in the cafeteria was watching. "I refuse to speak to such an insolent, obnoxious, bratty-" she sputtered for words.

"Uncivilized?" Obi-wan put in helpfully.

"-Uncivilized witch!"

Asajj got in the final say: "I'm not-"

"Don't you _even _say it!" With that Tarna whirled on her heel and strode off through the cafeteria.

"Bothered!" Asajj called after her cheerfully, if only to hear the indignant scream coming from halfway across the room.

And then, slowly, the other people in the room started to applaud. One by one, they stood from their seats, cheering more and more enthusiasticly as others joined in. She knew that some of them couldn't have even seen who she was, but they were definitely pleased at her victory.

"That was brilliant." Obi-wan said simply before flinging his arms around her in delight, which was not something he usually did, so she just enjoyed it. As the cafeteria settled down and sat back down, the two of them included, he added, "No one has ever talked her down like that before."

"Eh, it was good seeing her frustrated, after what she was saying to you." Asajj responded, as though it were no big deal to make the most obnoxious Jedi in the Order run away in frustration.

"And you've been watching _way _too much Lauren Cooper."

"That, Kenobi, may be true." With that, they went back to lunch.

**Asajj Ventress: 1  
><strong>**Tarna Ress: 0**

**Score one for Ventress! Again, I implore you to go watch Lauren Cooper. Up next, Asajj has to face Torin again. So until then, bless your face. If you sneezed while reading this story, bless you. Peace off. ((Tobuscus, anyone?))**


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